It’s the Snowpocalypse, Merry Christmas!

December 16, 2008

So I’m from a far off distant place in the middle of the country — near Fargo, ND — where nobody ever goes unless their flight gets horribly misdirected or have family living there.  The latter is my problem.  I managed to snag a plane ticket for a pretty decent price at least, but i just got this email from my mother:

It is very cold here, wind chill factor makes it 34 below. Just had a blizzard and the snow packed my doors at work so high that I could not go to work today. Make sure you pack very warm clothes, hats, gloves and be ready for the cold.
can’t wait to see you!

WHAT THE HELL.  She’s actually not trying to be funny, people where I’m from just talk about the weather a lot.  So it’s going to be colder than a witch’s tit out there (colder than an industrial sized cooler full of witches’ tits), but that’s not the worst part.  My family at least 60% white trash — so there are lots of re-marriages and non-marriages and half/step/whole sibling relationships and relationships that don’t have names (what do you call your step-brothers’ step-brothers, or the man who isn’t your step-father?).  And that’s all fine, the problem comes when you have to coordinate magic days with unreasonable importance to everyone involved.  So, when I go home for X-mas we have to coordinate between my mother, my mother’s parents, my father, my father’s parents, my father’s wife’s family, my father’s wife’s kid’s dad, my father’s wife’s kid’s dad’s wife’s kids, and my father’s wife’s kid’s dad’s wife’s kid’s family.  Plus my little sister’s birthday is on the 24th, so that really complicates things.  And all of them want christmas day and christmas eve.  Despite the fact that not a single one of us is religious.  In fact, I’m a devout Atheist who doesn’t really even care that much about getting stuff.

Ho-hum.  Well, on the bright side, here’s a picture of a shaved cat.

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