So I’m lucky enough to have two of the worst possible tickets to the inauguration swearing in ceremony. Naturally, I’m trying to sell them (thankfully it’s still legal, damn unamerican congress is tried a few times to change that though.) Craigslist is the only real place to do it. So far I’ve been offered $400, $600, and $1000 for the two. Of course, most these people don’t actually come through — it is Craigslist after all. We’ll see if i actually sell them, but frankly I think i would have had a more successful run with craigslist if i was a lolcat looking for an anonymous gay hookup.

one of the best things about trying to sell these tickets is the crazy craigslist trolls who keep harassing me — it’s pretty much what you’d expect — except it has stuff like this in it:

“oh I’m SURE this is what Obama would like to see… neighbor ripping off his neighbor…”

Obeejus

That’s a quote.  Seems pretty clear that this guy is confusing Obama with someone else. Jesus, perhaps.
What’s particularly great about these wacko Obamaphiles is that they totally ignore that Obama was actually selling tickets for $50,000 through his inaugural committee.

Well, it’s the Audacity of Hype, I suppose. I’m plenty sick of it though.  Especially all this ridiculousness about how 1) he’s going to fix everything, 2) he’s like Lincoln and Reagan, 3) the US overcame racism, and proved it by electing him (since the only reason people voted for McCain was racism, of course).

The whole idea of “America’s not racist!  We have a black president, really! And we love Oprah and Kanye and Wayne Brady!”  Worse is the idea that Obama’s election really fulfills the American promise that anyone can become President.  Ugh.

So, I’m not going to go force my way through the Obamoron Hordes to stand in the cold for hours so I can kind of maybe see the next President.  Especially since Rick Warren‘s going to be there, using magic.  (Click Warren’s name for a fun article about how his pals are distributing nazi type comics to children – he’s a great pick.)

Well as it turns out, it’s pretty good news that a Obama is now president.  Some recent research suggests that in fact, Gay is the new black in terms of discrimination, according to the article,

Dr Jones said: “Without detracting from the seriousness of the prejudice that still exists against people because of their ethnic origin, the results of our study suggest that being gay or lesbian could be ‘the new black’ when it comes to being a victim of prejudice.”

So by that logic, we can expect that soon a gay man can be president too!  Or… at least a half gay one.

Here’s a surprise, the KKK doesn’t like gay people, and by extension, decided to boycott Hallmark

A press release yesterday from the Belleville, Illinois, chapter of the KKK, states that Hallmark is “trying to corrupt the morality of Americans by offering gay/lesbian wedding and greeting cards.” “This is sickening beyond belief…We white Americans are to BOYCOTT Hallmark cards until they take the cards off the shelf.”

This one is my favorite for the day: a bat shit crazy religious group that knows more about gay fetish sex than any gay I know, and apparently has more connections to the seedy gay underworld than Tom Cruise has uncovered something pretty scandalous … Pig Sex Orgies in DC!

A source has provided Americans For Truth with a copy of a private e-mail intended only for “sex pigs” — sent out by a group called “Fort Troff” (as in pig troff). The e-mail touts the ultra-promiscuous “pig sex” event at Doubletree called “MAL Maneuvers” — for the purpose of pulling together “hard-core pig players” who want to “[F–K] [sodomize] our brains out.”

Seriously, please read that article in full.  It’s way too good.  Totally not safe for work, by the way, but pretty damn funny.  My brother Righty was saying that he can’t believe there are people who get together to do things like this.  I cautioned him to question the source.  Though I don’t actually doubt that things like this occur — I mean, I’ve seen it on TV before!

Well kids — I’m sure you wanted to hear more about the Barackopacolypse, but I guess you’ll just have to wait.

Just got the latest copy of Details magazine in the mail today. Pretty much everything on the cover seems to be geared straight towards me — except for one thing in particular: Can You Still Afford Your Girlfriend. Now, seriously, girlfriend?
I never fully understood what the point was for Details to bother pretending to be a straight man’s magazine. I mean, I love my Details, in terms of Gay-Lite it’s right up there with High School wrestling, Cirque Du Soleil, and Clay Aiken, but come on — nobody who really reads Details has a girlfriend. Nobody except that overly macho quarterback from your high school days who always had exceptionally nice eyebrows and a really really close best friend.  You know, his bro.

Am I right?  Do any of you read Details? Do you have a girlfriend?

For your viewing pleasure, the cover of Details:

Cregslist iz so durdy

January 13, 2009

Over the weekend i got bored and posted a fake craigslist ad in M4m in lolcat speak.

stuff like “lukkin 4 sum1 to come ovah fer cuddelz timez maybee more. iz best if u haz a flavah, a reel gud won. kthxbai!”

the weird thing was i got 7 responses in 20 minutes — only one of them noted it was a lolcat and thought it was funny. the rest sent pics of their bodies and things like “your butt is ground-zero of your pleasure,” which is probably the best use of the phrase “ground-zero” ever. Typically when i think about that term i think 9/11, but it’s nice that it can be reclaimed for referencing dirty anal sex with strangers– possibly cats.
i posted it with a picture of a cat on a bed.

i guess i didn’t notice that the cat had such seductive come-hither eyes.

So I’m from a far off distant place in the middle of the country — near Fargo, ND — where nobody ever goes unless their flight gets horribly misdirected or have family living there.  The latter is my problem.  I managed to snag a plane ticket for a pretty decent price at least, but i just got this email from my mother:

It is very cold here, wind chill factor makes it 34 below. Just had a blizzard and the snow packed my doors at work so high that I could not go to work today. Make sure you pack very warm clothes, hats, gloves and be ready for the cold.
can’t wait to see you!

WHAT THE HELL.  She’s actually not trying to be funny, people where I’m from just talk about the weather a lot.  So it’s going to be colder than a witch’s tit out there (colder than an industrial sized cooler full of witches’ tits), but that’s not the worst part.  My family at least 60% white trash — so there are lots of re-marriages and non-marriages and half/step/whole sibling relationships and relationships that don’t have names (what do you call your step-brothers’ step-brothers, or the man who isn’t your step-father?).  And that’s all fine, the problem comes when you have to coordinate magic days with unreasonable importance to everyone involved.  So, when I go home for X-mas we have to coordinate between my mother, my mother’s parents, my father, my father’s parents, my father’s wife’s family, my father’s wife’s kid’s dad, my father’s wife’s kid’s dad’s wife’s kids, and my father’s wife’s kid’s dad’s wife’s kid’s family.  Plus my little sister’s birthday is on the 24th, so that really complicates things.  And all of them want christmas day and christmas eve.  Despite the fact that not a single one of us is religious.  In fact, I’m a devout Atheist who doesn’t really even care that much about getting stuff.

Ho-hum.  Well, on the bright side, here’s a picture of a shaved cat.

a gay without a day

December 11, 2008

So today was the day where all the gaybo’s were supposed to stay home from work to make some point about… uh…. that gays have jobs? and… that… um… prop 8?

i don’t understand it.  here’s an article that doesn’t really help explain it.

Hetherington said he has been careful to design A Day Without a Gay — he came up with the name after the film “A Day Without a Mexican” and liked it because it rhymed — so no one feels excluded or threatened.

OOOOOOH! Now I get it.  It rhymes. Is there a gayer reason to do anything?  Did any of you guys participate in this? Or at least know someone who did?  I think it’s stupid.  Put it on a Friday and I’ll think about it.

Speaking of work — my boss is joining a union for a job he’s doing because “it’ll be funny.”  A little context might help — we’re a conservative firm, so we all hate unions.   Plus, he’s not exactly the type of person that unions are meant for in the first place.  Like Catarina said “i can just imagine him sitting in a big leather chair, smoking a cigar and laughing about the clubs the working people join.”  Okay, so that’s an exaggeration, but still. Who joins a union becuase it’s funny?  Even if he hadn’t joined though, he’d still have been forced to pay the union “fees” that are almost as much as the dues.

I really hate unions.

G-Chat on the Fritz

December 8, 2008

3:24 PM Max: yeah
3:25 PM something’s wrong with gchat
3:26 PM me: yeah i know. it’s been like this all day
Max did not receive your chat.
3:28 PM Max: it’s annoying
3:29 PM me: yeah, it keeps saying that we don’t receive texts, but i think we do
3:30 PM maybe we should start saying “copy” at the end of each sentence, then the other person says “copy” so you know they got it. copy.
Max did not receive your chat.
Max did not receive your chat.
Max: “over” is better
me: but then how do i know that you got my message? copy.
Max: i don’t know over
3:32 PM me: justin called me a while ago, he has some exciting news

3:34 PMme: copy
3:36 PM Max: roger

Let’s go Shopping!!!

December 7, 2008

Hey it’s snowing in DC today — anyone else in the Xmas spirit?  This video made me get all excited to go shopping, check it out…

Mmm… Shouldn’t we all go be good consumers now?

Get Drizzunk
It’s repeal day in the nation! 75 years ago Americans were celebrating a major win for personal liberty. Prohibition caused more than 45k deaths due to people drinking toxic bootlegged alcohol, and the government spent the modern day equivalent of $200 Billion in enforcement! That doesn’t even count how much tax revenue was lost during the time. Repeal Day is something we can all enjoy, especially Republicans — what better day than Repeal Day to celebrate personal liberty, limited government involvement in personal and business lives, a free market, and government fiscal responsibility? Hopefully in 25 years we’ll finally legalize marijuana for all the same reasons — and more.

Ice Queens
Here’s something exciting that should probably be on the Human/Animal War blog as well — a gay penguin couple have been trying to steal straight penguins eggs so they can be fathers. FYI there are more than 350 animal species on earth that exhibit exclusive homosexual behavior — penguins obviously, but also other apes, dolphins, and dogs. Thanks Bobby and Chris for sending in the links.

I can haz foto jawb nao?
This is the second year i’ve taken the Holiday Family Photo for Maximus’sess’s family. This year his mom asked me to do a special project for them as well and then just charge them whatever a real photographer would for 5 matted and framed prints. HA! That’s a ton of money (google new york photographer rates in NYC), so I obviously can’t charge that. Anyway, I decided that I do in fact really really really like photography and working in photoshop — so I’m currently looking around to find photographers who could use me for assistance. I minored in fine arts with a focus in photography, am quick with photoshop, super tech savvy, have fantastic people skills, and have evenings and weekends to do work, so I was thinking i’d be able to do any digital processing remotely, and even come along on shoots on weekends if i was needed. Plus i’d get to learn all about the photography business.

income diversification is where it’s at!

More like KoDICK

December 1, 2008

Maximus got this email last week after ordering a bunch of photos from Kodak.  He came and got me to make sure that he wasn’t just seeing some strange font trickery.  This is a screen grab from the actual email:

W.T.F.

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